Club Events

Lounge Thoughts

You’ve made it! We’re one month into the new year. Goals are settling, folks are settling into their routine, and Valentine’s day is coming up. For those of you in committed relationships, double check your reservations for the big night, or make them if you haven’t yet.

For those of us who are unattached, February is a good time to show appreciation for the one person who’s always going to be along for the ride: Yourself!

Here are some great ways to show some self love:

Take yourself out on a date. Set aside some time in your schedule and go out to eat solo at a sit down restaurant. Order a good meal, a glass of wine and enjoy your own company. Think about all the things that Single You gets to do and how amazing you are. Hype yourself up by thinking about all your wonderful traits. Treat it as if you’re sitting down to an actual date with yourself and appreciate all the great things about them. You should walk away thinking, damn, I can’t wait to see them again.

Set your affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to hype yourself up and build a more positive mindset around life. Examples include:

• I am a kind, empathetic person who genuinely cares about the people around me.

• I do a good job making decisions that are good for myself and it’s the best thing for everyone around me when I make good decisions.

• I date and I have so much fun and I can get out of situations I don’t want to be in with grace and ease.

• I go on dates and have fun dating.

• I’m so funny, I should have a Netflix special.

• I have fun going on dates and I’ve met great people before on them and I will again!

The fun thing with affirmations is they don’t have to feel true at the time of setting them. However, the more you say them, the more you’ll believe them to be true and you’ll approach dating and life with a more positive mindset as opposed to a negative one.

Determine your life tasks. Life tasks are the things you personally need to do to live a fulfilling life. They are things that you have direct control over and that won’t get done unless you do them yourself. Everyone has their own life tasks and every social interaction is guided by each persons life tasks. The key is to decide what is your life task and what is theirs and then focus only on yours.

When you catch yourself thinking about another person’s life task, just casually say “Thats not my job” and move on. This approach makes interactions and life in general so much less anxiety prone since you can easily handle the things in your control.

A great example is when sitting down to a date. A lot of folks will sit down and subconsciously focus on getting the person across from them to like them. They’ll tailor stories and responses to what they think the other person wants to hear. The thing is, their life task is to decide whether they like you or not while your life task is to decide whether you like them! So many people spend a whole date trying to get the other person to like them that they forget their life task and don’t figure out if they like the other person in the first place.

So you should tell yourself “It’s not my job to convince them to like me, I need to figure out If I like them!” This makes it a lot easier to be authentic, genuine, and confident on a date because you’re focused on deciding whether they are good for you not whether you’re good for them!

The other good side effect of this is that it makes rejection a lot easier. If you decide it’s your life task to go and ask someone out and they reject you. You can tell yourself “Their life task was to decide it wasn’t right for them, and it’s not my job to worry about that. Instead I need to find someone who is right for me.” After all the best person for you is someone who wants you back!

Grab the reigns. Life moves fast and it’s easy for life to happen to you rather than for you to happen to life. Many of us want to find a new partner, or friends, or even new hobbies. The problem is when you let life happen to you, you start to feel down about your situation because you’ve given up control of the events in your life. This could leave you feeling less confident and overwhelmed.

Instead, tell yourself to grab the reigns! You actually have incredible control of how you spend your time, where you place your effort, and what experiences you get from life. So grab the reigns! Set intentions towards your goals. Go on 1 date a week if you want to find a new partner. Find a meet up group for your hobby, or attend one of our events ;), if you want to make new friends. Go talk to that person with the green name tag at one of our events who you think is cute. Decide who is good for you and who is not and place your effort on the good.

When you grab the reigns of your life and set intentions, you automatically build a new sense of confidence, and others will see that and respond in kind! There’s nothing hotter than someone who is seemingly in control of their life and has the desire to get from life what they want. Don’t just let life happen to you!

Get some Ice Cream. Lastly, treat yourself to some Ice Cream, or other dessert! There’s nothing better than a sweet treat at the end of a long day. Reward yourself for making it through another long day or for something you’re proud of for the day. Even better start recording your daily achievements somewhere. Record a single sentence a day. By the end of the month, you can look back and see all the things you were proud of which is great for your confidence. This form of gratitude can go a long way for self esteem and feeling like you’re getting something out of life.

In Conclusion

Self love and appreciating yourself can be difficult sometimes especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed with life. But by being intentional, celebrating the small wins, and being kind to yourself you will see a change in how you approach life and interactions with other people.

Take 5 minutes a day and see if you can remind yourself of your affirmations, your life tasks, and your wins. You’ll be surprised how positive you’ll feel after doing this for month.

If you or someone you know is struggling don’t be afraid to reach out for help! You are not alone. No one has to go through life feeling alone and it’s ok to lean on your community when things get too much.

Here in Washington, we have the WA Warm Line, at 877-500-9276, who can provide peer support in times of uncertainty or crisis. If you find yourself in an emergency, the 24 hour crisis hotline at 1-866-427-4747 is a great resource to get you through your time of struggle.

Be there for your friends and your local community. We’re all in this together and no one has to be alone.

Time for fun!

This month, give your hand a try at this dating themed word search! There are 14 words or phrases to find!